Aug. 15, 2007

Editor's Note: All readers in the vicinity beware. This one could be a little unpleasant!

Dear Sarah,

A special person (special to me, at least) who I was anticipating greatly arrived in town today and now I'm even happier than before. Now don't get too jealous, Sarah. You're still the only person I say goodnight to these days...well, you and my roommate Joe Goosby.

This was just icing on the cake for another tasty day of practice. Mmmmmmmm. Full pads to be precise. Yummy!!!!! But do you know what's not very yummy? Restrooms. Especially not the one in our locker room before practice. Remember, over 90 people use it. Need I say more?!!

I found myself in a humorous situation before this full-padded practice started. I was sitting on a table in the training room getting my ankles taped, shifted my weight and caused a grinding vibration. You know what kind of sound I'm talking about - the one that sounds like you momentarily lost control of a certain orifice which shall remain nameless. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone expels a certain aroma from time to time, and I'm not afraid to admit it (who am I kidding, a lot of times, I'm downright proud of it!). But I'm not going to admit to something I didn't do.

To make the situation even more awkward, everyone pretended not to notice. Maybe they didn't, but I don't know that. Maybe they knew it was the table. But maybe - just maybe - they thought it was ME. I can't just come out and say it was the table. That implies guilt. They might think I'm getting defensive. And if they didn't hear it to begin with, they will definitely suspect it now!!!

Well, I chose to say nothing. Instead, I tried to think like a trainer for the rest of the day, hoping that understanding the opposing perspective would spark a solution on how to deal with a situation like this. This failed miserably. Thank goodness I'm a better football player than a problem solver.

Oh, almost forgot. Thanks to the council of a(b) certain offensive lineman, who I will not mention by name, I am declaring tomorrow a "No Media Day" for myself. Tomorrow, I will keep my thoughts to myself. I guess I could share the trainer's table story with them, but I think it would be better to keep that just between us.

As it is, it's 11:30 p.m. and I shouldn't be up anymore. I must say good night.

Good Night,